We're facebook friends in real life
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
