if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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