so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she peed on how many people?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
