and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
