I heard we made out
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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