Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
