I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
