Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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