Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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