I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
