3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
