If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
