She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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