Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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