Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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