..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
