did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
