Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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