I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
