Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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