Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
