First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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