I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
