The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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