Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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