I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
well you can't waste a boner
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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