so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
