Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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