Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
