A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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