you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
too bad you live with your parents still
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
