My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
