TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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