I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
