I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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