Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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