just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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