I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
