I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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