I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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