the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize