hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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