I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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