2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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