Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
