Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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