I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
