guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
