He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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