how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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