hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
