It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
