How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
