I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
