You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
