Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
