I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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