Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
