Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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