Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
