Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he shaved USA in his pubs
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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