I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
