some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
