At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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