Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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