i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
